When I was a small boy my mother would read to me bedtime stories, which I used to look forward to with great delight. Two of my favorites were AA Milne’s “Winnie-The Pooh” and “The Wind In The Willows” by Kenneth Grahame, in which the copy of the latter my mum read from were wonderfully enchanting illustrations by Arthur Rackham. I would find myself engrossed in the adventures of Christopher Robin, Pooh Bear, Eeyore and Piglet – or the amusing tales of Toad of Toad Hall – feeding my hungry imagination with colourful worlds that came to life every evening before bedtime.
I recently met a friend for coffee and, during our time together, I became aware of how strongly the stories or narratives that we tell ourselves shape the lives we live. My friend had a strong story that had been with him for many years, that he was unlovable in some way and, because some part of him believed this to be true, he had found it difficult to experience healthy loving relationships. I too could identify with this view my friend held about himself, as it was once a view I held about myself.
Stories have a way of deeply affecting us. They speak to those deep aspects of our minds and souls. We may connect to them through books, film, television, or even through events that shape our lives. We may have stories that we carry around with us, like a small book hidden in our pocket or buried deep in our hearts or bones. These stories or narratives may help us to live creative and meaningful lives, or they may limit and restrict us in how we view ourselves and the world around us. Some stories we may have carried around with us for so long, maybe even since childhood. They feel like a part of our DNA; we may not even know that they are there.
It is only when we begin to examine and bring awareness to our experience more deeply through practices such as yoga, meditation, psychotherapy and bodywork, that we may begin to see more clearly what our stories are. We then have an opportunity to decide if the stories we carry with us are helpful or not. Do they lead us to a more expansive life of greater meaning, connection and love? Or, do they limit us and leave us feeling isolated and separate from the world and others? The problem with any story, helpful or not, is that it is a idea or concept, but not reality itself. It is something we place onto our experience to make sense of our lives, and it’s better to always try and hold concepts and ideas lightly, as they may be the map but not the terrain.
“We live entirely… by the imposition of a narrative line upon disparate images, by the ‘ideas’ with which we have learned to freeze the shifting phantasmagoria — which is our actual experience.” Joan Didion Writer