Only connect

I was once waiting for a bus as I travelled to teach a morning class. After a while of waiting for the bus to turn up and no sign of it appearing, a woman walked past and informed me, and the other people waiting, that the bus had been diverted as there had been a crash further up the road and the road was blocked. So myself and two old ladies who had been sitting next to me walked down the road till we reached the new diverted bus stop. As I sat with the two women I was aware that I felt quite tired and a sense of feeling isolated and unconnected from myself and my environment. The old lady next to me was telling the other lady that she was anxious, because she was planning to meet her daughter who was waiting for her and she had no way of letting her know she was running late. As I heard the conversation I was aware that I felt separate and removed from the world around me and the two women. I slowly became aware of this deep tension inside of me, one part wanting to stay isolated and detached and something else in me that was reminded of the novelist E M Forster’s famous words “only connect”.

After sitting with this tension for about a minute, I then reached into my pocket and produced my mobile phone and offered to call the woman’s daughter, to let her know her mother was okay. As soon as I spoke to the old woman and I came into relationship with her, I felt something shift in me, as if I had suddenly surrendered and let the world into my experience again and connected to a shared humanity. The old woman was relieved and happy that her daughter had been contacted. I share this story as it reminded me of how so often in our lives we can feel isolated and alone, and how challenging that view and trying to engage and reach out to others reminds us of our interconnectedness to all life and the responsibility we have for the world we live in.

“The important element is the way in which all things are connected. Every thought and action sends shivers of energy into the world around us, which affects all creation. Perceiving the world as a web of connectedness helps us to overcome the feelings of separation that hold us back and cloud our vision. This connection with all life increases our sense of responsibility for every move, every attitude, allowing us to see clearly that each soul does indeed make a difference to the whole.” ― Emma Restall Orr, Druid/Poet

Live In The Moment

When the Stone Roses reformed and played a low-key warm-up show in Warrington Ian Brown spoke to members of the audience who were excited trying to film the gig on their phones. He is reported to have said:

“If you put your cameras down you might be able to live in the moment. You have a memory there of something you’ve never lived.”.

I think Ian Brown is making a valid point; I recently attended a gig myself and found myself frustrated by the amount of people either trying to film the concert on their phone or spending most the evening talking to their friend, rather than just watching the musicians they have paid good money to see. The irony of the situation is that the moment you are excitedly trying to capture on your phone is being missed because you are trying to film it, on a device that will generally reproduce the event poorly.

With the advances in modern technology we now can now access vast amounts of information at the touch of a button, but at what expense to the quality of our lives? With so much information being bombarded at us we can lose the ability to just simply sit and listen to a piece of music, read a book, or eat a meal without the desire to share the experience via the Internet or with the world around us. The quality of mindfulness of just being aware and open to the present moment without trying to add to it is something we can learn to do: allowing the bare experience to be there, fully attending to it in a relaxed open awareness, tasting an aliveness, a vibrancy from the naked awareness of our lives as they unfold moment by moment.

From my experience this is not always a easy thing to do; I recently had a uncomfortable awareness of experiencing an event while at the same time noticing a mental dialog say “Oh I must share this on Facebook” which seemed to pull me away from just being open to the present moment as it was unfolding. I am not advocating that we should never take a photo again, but maybe next time we reach for our mobile to capture that moment, we could try leaving our phone in our pocket and just try being with life just as it is, without needing to hold on to it so tightly. I shall leave you with some words from the wonderful Ray Davis of the Kinks, who captures in song this desire we have to want to constantly capture and hold on to that illusive fleeting moment.

“People take pictures of the summer
Just in case someone thought they had missed it
Just to prove that it really existed

People take pictures of each other
And the moment to last them forever
Of the time when they mattered to someone

Picture of me when I was just three
Sucking my thumb by the old oak tree
Oh, how I love things as they used to be
Don’t show me no more, please”

The Kinks’ Picture Book from the album The Village Green Preservation Society

The People Inside Us

In 1943 a man wrote in a letter to his wife, “I am so sorry that I forgot our wedding anniversary for the first time but I was so busy these past few days”. In another letter home he wrote, “My dear mummy. A few quick lines. Enclosed are two packages and a piece of fruit cake.” The man in question who had written these words of affection and love for his family was Heinrich Himmler the Nazi leader of the SS and head of the Gestapo. Heinrich Himmler was also the man who gave the order to destroy the Warsaw Ghetto, one of the most powerful men in Nazi Germany and one of the people involved in the Holocaust in which six million Jewish people were killed.

What are we to make of these uncomfortable contradictions in one man’s actions and behaviour? His ability to both love and hate in equal measure? When I am confronted by these extreme and varying facets of the human psyche I have found it immensely helpful to view the perspective which suggests each of us are polyphonic. That is to say, we made up of many different voices, impulses, attitudes or parts. We are not just one thing.

The idea of the human psyche being multifaceted, even split in some cases is not a new one. Since ancient times man has been aware of multiple personalities within himself. In ancient Greece, in Plato’s book ‘The Republic’ he spoke of three parts of the psyche: ‘The rational’, ‘The appetitive’ and ‘The spirited’. We also find examples in 20th century literature and in Virginia Woolf’s novel ‘The Waves’ her character Bernard said, “I am not one person: I am many people, I do not altogether know who I am”.

In 1910 an Italian Psychoanalyst called Roberto Assagioli began to create a new system of Psychotherapy called Psychosynthesis in which he explored a model following on from Carl Jung making use and understanding of what he called ‘sub personalities’. His idea was that a range of these sub personalities existed within us and wanted to express themselves. We might come to meet within ourselves ‘The Mystic’, ‘The Hag’, ‘The Materialist’, ‘The Sadist’ and ‘The Frightened Child’ amongst many others and by recognizing that at times a sub personality can take over, it can be a helpful way to understand our somewhat contradictory behaviour. Learning to understand and recognize our inner landscape and the figures or creatures that inhabit it can be helpful. Though listening to all these various voices can sometimes feel like trying to conduct an unruly orchestra and can leave us feeling split or divided. For example, how many times have I been consumed with anger and acted from that state, believing it the right thing to do only to find myself several hours later feeling a sense of regret that I have acted in this way? It might be a helpful perspective to consider that the one fuelled by anger is not now the one feeling the regret.
After these realisations, we can begin to accept those aspects of ourselves and move towards phases of integration. We are then able to hold and stay conscious within ourselves from a place of disidentification where we are less likely to be hijacked by our sub personalities, who may wish to cause us harm or even inflict suffering onto others.

By understanding ourselves and these sub personalities within us, by making conscious and working with both our darkness and our light, we are given a larger, richer context in which to examine what it means to be human.

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large – I contain multitudes.”
(Walt Whitman, Poet)


The Cake is Good.

In September of 2014 I spent a very enjoyable week in the Oxfordshire countryside at Charney Manor, a 13th-century manor house situated in the picturesque village of Charney Bassett. The Manor is a very peaceful and tranquil place with beautiful landscaped gardens. People often come from across the country to stay at the manor for reflection and relaxation. The reason for my visit was to attend a week-long Yoga Nidra training course with James Reeves and the iRest community who have been inspired by the work and teachings of Richard Miller, an American yoga teacher and Clinical Psychologist. Yoga Nidra (an ancient meditative practice dating back to 2500 B.C.E.) renamed ‘Integrative Restoration’ or ‘iRest’ for short, has been a particularly effective healing practice for military veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Since returning from my time at Charney Manor I have spent the last few years exploring Yoga Nidra in more depth in my own practice, with students on retreat, in workshops, and on a one to one basis. I have often been struck by the simple, yet profound effect the practice can have on people. One of the aspects of the practice which has inspired me the most is that it is not seen as a self-improvement plan. Often, with practices such as yoga or meditation we can take them up with an agenda to improve ourselves in some way, which although at times helpful, can also reinforce a deeply held view of an inherent lack of essential goodness.

In the practice of Yoga Nidra we are invited to explore directly through our senses the six koshas (a Sanskrit term meaning sheaths or bodies). In the vijnanamaya kosha we are invited to explore opposite beliefs. For instance, I may believe that if I do or attain something, then I will be better than who I was. The practice invites us to explore the opposite, which would be ‘I’m perfect as I am, and there is nothing I need to do or attain that will make me any better than I am’.

In the Buddhist Dzogchen teachings we are offered a view that we all have Buddha Nature or essential goodness, a potentiality that lives within us all but is often hidden to us by ignorance and confusion. We live in a culture of validation through performance and achievement. The dominant view in our culture is to work hard, transcend yourself, develop yourself and get the most out of life.

On a relative level it can be helpful to develop skills to be in the world, but how often do we get validation of ourselves, just for being us? The Buddhist teacher James Low says “Everything you do is icing on the cake, but the cake without icing is fine, the cake is good”. Any skills we have are useful but they are conditional, transient and should be held very lightly. This may be a challenging idea to hear, but something I feel every one of us really needs to hear. Maybe as we make our way through the world we could just allow ourselves to accept our essential goodness and trust that we are okay and fine, just as we are.

“You don’t have to justify your existence by being useful. You yourself are the justification for your existence. You haven’t come into existence after all these millions of years of evolution just to sit down in front of a typewriter, or to keep accounts. You are the justification of that whole process. You are an end in yourself. All that you can really be said to be here for is to develop into some higher form of human life…So don’t be ashamed of sitting around and doing nothing. Glory in it. Do things spontaneously, out of a state of inner satisfaction and achievement. It is a virtue to be ornamental as well as useful”.

From ‘Wisdom Beyond Words’ by Sangharakshita, Buddhist teacher.

The Ambiguity of David Bowie, The Man Who Sold the World.

bowie-in-a-mans-dressIn April 1971 David Bowie released his third UK album The Man Who Sold the World on Mercury Records. This would start the classic period of Bowie’s career featuring the line up Mick Ronson, Trevor Bolder and Woody Woodmansey, that would later become the ‘Spiders from Mars’. For the cover of the album Bowie embarked on a challenging new idea and concept. He was photographed luxuriously reclining on a day bed which is draped in shimmering blue silks and satin, wearing a ‘man’s dress’ of cream velvet covered with blue Art Nouveau flower designs. The dress hugs his figure accentuating his curved hips, open chest and long legs. He wears tight leather knee-length boots which would normally be worn by women. His hair is long, curly and shoulder length, while his arm is raised to adjust his fedora hat. His other hand is limp in which he holds a single playing card, while the remainder of the pack lies strewn across the floor. The room in which he luxuriates, has an echo of Victorian splendor with its red curtains and opium den decadence. The dress he wears was designed by British fashion designer Michael Fish, who also created Mick Jagger’s white dress for the Rolling Stones free Hyde Park concert in 1969.

The cover to The Man Who Sold the World offers an early indication of David Bowie’s explorations with his androgynous appearance and playing with sexual ambiguity. The cover of the album was so provocative and challenging at the time that it was changed for its United States release to a cartoon by Mike Weller depicting a man with a shotgun under his arm standing outside a mental asylum (Bowie’s half brother was receiving treatment in such an institution at the time). In 1972 it was replaced on world-wide release with a rather dull black and white photo of Bowie kicking his leg in the air.

Looking deeper at the ambiguous image on the original Bowie album cover is interesting. The word ambiguity comes from the Latin ambiguus meaning ‘having double meaning, shifting, changeable, doubtful’ . I feel this gives us a clearer sense of why the album cover proved so controversial. David Bowie deliberately set out to shock the viewer by exploring and playing with themes of cross-dressing, sexuality and gender. Some people may have found the image attractive and alluring, others disturbing and repulsive. But the main point is like any great piece of art, it provoked a response. The Jungian psychologist James Hollis says that the spiritually mature person is able to be with the 3 ‘A’s: Ambivalence, Ambiguity, and Anxiety. He says they do not look to a black and white simplicity or dogma, but are able to live a meaningful life within the complexities that life offers. We may be some way off from being able to be accepting of Ambivalence, Ambiguity, Anxiety in our lives, but I feel any attempt to open to these aspects of life can only lead to a more creative engagement with ourselves, others and the world we live in.

“Certainty begets stagnation, but ambiguity pulls us deeper into life. Unchallenged conviction begets rigidity, which begets regression; but ambiguity opens us to discovery, complexity, and therefore growth. The health of our culture, and the magnitude of our personal journeys, require that we learn to tolerate ambiguity, in service to a larger life.” James Hollis, Jungian Psychologist

Black Narcissus : A Study of Repression and Desire

I was a teenager when I first saw the film Black Narcissus, its impact on me was dramatic and it has continued to be one of my favourite films. It is now regarded as a cinematic classic and one of the greatest British films ever made. Released in 1947 Black Narcissus is a psychological drama about the emotional tensions of jealousy and lust within a convent of Anglican nuns in a remote valley in the Himalayas, the nuns are tormented by their past lives and find themselves increasingly seduced by the sensuality of their surroundings. The film is sumptuously shot in Technicolor by Oscar winning cinematographer Jack Cardiff. It was written, produced and directed by the British team of Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, who also gave us the The Red Shoes and A Matter of Life and Death. The cast include Deborah Kerr who plays Sister Clodagh the Sister Superior, who is attempting to forget a failed romance at home in Ireland, Kathleen Byron who plays the mentally unstable Sister Ruth and David Farrar who plays the local British agent Mr Dean with his roguish charms, all bare chest and hairy legs, he makes quite an impression on the nuns particularly Sister Clodagh and Sister Ruth.

The film draws out the dramatic tensions between the world of the senses, desire, sexuality, emotion, pleasures of the body and the longing within us to escape, transcend the world of pain and suffering into the realm of spirituality or spirit. The film also offers us a study in repression. As the story unfolds and the steady, ordered life of the nuns start to unravel we glimpse through haunting flashback scenes a painful failed relationship of Sister Clodaghs. The film alludes that her reason for joining the religious order is in someway a response to this event. The other nuns start to also experience an eruption in their psyche, which begins to effect their behaviour. One nun who is in charge of planting a vegetable patch for the nunnery is compelled to plant beautiful flowers instead. Reason and order begin to give way to feeling, the dream world and the senses. 

Carl Jung once said “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” If we look at this in relation to our own lives, anything in our experience that we deny or repress, thoughts, feelings, emotions, all have power over us. If we can allow these aspects of ourselves to be made conscious, then we are less likely to be in the grip of these forces and their potentially destructive influence. A useful image to imagine  is of trying to hold a cork down in water, by its nature the cork wants to move towards the surface and we in our desire to resist It have to engage a lot of energy to constantly try and hold it down.

As students of yoga & meditation we may be drawn to Spirituality. The dictionary defines Spiritual as ‘relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,’. It alludes to transcendence, moving beyond the mundane and material world, to something or someone concerned with higher matters. Personally I am not very keen on the word spiritual, as I feel it encourages a potential tendency for aloofness, seeing spiritual practice as escape, cut off from our lived experience and engagement with the everyday world. Sometimes this tendency can lead to a desire to repress aspects of ourselves such as our sexuality and our relationship to our bodies as we see within the Black Narcissus.

Maybe it would be more helpful to stop trying to transcend the world, but make our way through it, acknowledging all that it means to be human and holding any spiritual perspective we may have lightly.   

Man’s task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious.

Carl Jung